I am in love with a murderer

He says he killed for love

It should chill me, and it does

But I cannot give up my happiness

He is my happiness



He is tall, thin and hard

He is honey on his tongue, his voice

He move likes the grass itself

Without effort, gracefully

He never has to do much

Just appear in front of me

Silent

Diffident

All of him reaches me

Like the mystery of wind

When he smiles, occasionally

I dissolve

Like a sugar being thrown into boiling water



He is so overwhelming

When he is not in the sight of me

It hurts and itches me inside likes a healing wound

So I go find things to hold me

Smoking the cigarette he left on the desk

With his favored gesture

Wearing his sweat-soaked shirt

With his dirty tie

And when everything fails me

I just go hide and cry and cry

Until he finds me

And he always can find me



I crazy about him

He can do things with my body

Other men sense and hate

He likes pulling me down in the dark

With a lost boy’s smile

He will lean toward me

Touch my lips with his

Then in that very moment

My heart burns to ashes in his mouth

My body stings with the sweetness of it

There is a voice screaming hard inside, but

All the sound dies out

In the most excruciating never-ending kiss



Only his eyes remind me

He is still a murderer of love

They are the phosphorescent blue of wolves

And I am the prey he is pursuing

Soon to be his next victim

But I could not care less

He is my universe

My brain

My breath

My every heartbeat

Even just for one more second

I wish he could love me

Just for that second



He is kind to me

But he has not yet said he loves me

I think his heart is breaking

I can offer no cure

Only to aggravate the whole self-destruction

Each act is a drowning man’s gasp for air

His mouth is pumping of mine, for breath

When he sleeps, he shudders

The way a child shudders and twitches

While dreaming a nightmare

He looks like sixteen

So young, so harmless

But already he is dying

So pallid, so spiritless

I can see the dark stain at the center of him

And the beauty fanning out from the center



I am in love with a murderer

Soon to be his next victim

He could not help but doing it

I know and I ask for no relief

No sympathy

No nothing

When the day comes

I could just step aside

I have always loved life

Whenever I could stand aside



So when the day comes

I could stand thirty yards away

From him, the murderer of my love

I will be floating above like a new balloon

My world is safe then

And I will tie myself to him

Following him

Watching him

Being in his daydream

Being in his nightmare

I must be sick then, but

I cannot give up my happiness

He was-he is- my happiness



I am in love with a murderer

Soon to be his next victim

But I could not care less

What will come, would come

Even the next second is the last second

I would rather kiss it goodbye

On his lips