As my eyesight dims , I see things more clearly .  
As my hearing fades , the music becomes more beautiful .
As my mind withers , the memories …
Hey , whatever happened to you ...

I've been told that if you change your mind , you change the world .   
Or at least the way you experience it .
Let's take a moment to examine that .

The presumption is ,
if you thought the world was a hostile , ugly place filled with awful people doing awful things ,  
that is what you'd see .

Your mind wound naturally seek out confirmation for its preconceived ideas .
If, however , you were able to sincerely change your mind
and see that we are all  in desire drag .

In other words , it is entirely our choice as to what kind of world we live in .
With a simple decision , we can suffer in the darkness or play in the light .
We can be angry , frightened and enslaved ,
or loving , joyous and free .

I know . It's a toughie .

A professor gives his psychology class a spot quiz.
One question he asks is, "What part of the human anatomy may expand up to ten times
under   certain circumstances?"

He picks a rather overdressed girl in the front row to answer it.
Miss Jennifer !

The indicated girl, who heard the question,   stammers with some embarrassment:
"Professor, I'd  rather not answer that question."

The professor says, "That's all right, Miss Jennifer , you don't need to answer it.
Is there anyone present who can answer it?"

He notes an interested face in the back of the classroom.
Mr. Sheldon!

Sheldon says, "Yes, Professor, it is the pupil of the eye that may expand to ten times."
The professor says, "That is correct, Mr. Sheldon."
Then he turns to Miss Jennifer .

He says, "Young lady, two things are obvious from your reaction to this question.
One, you haven't studied this week's assignment;
and Two, I'm afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous disappointment to you."


   

I believe that,
strong worship of films and television is unlikely to produce a spiritual victory.
TV is the cause of all the violence and immorality in our society -- ha! just kidding.  

I believe that,
if you can not find any help people make a lot of success and happy,
then they stab you in the back, then simply do not say anything.

I believe that,
a person consists of desires,
and as is his desire, so is his will,
and as is his will, so is his deed,
and whatever deed he does, that he will reap.

As a man himself sows, so he himself reaps,
no man inherits the good or evil act of another man.

I believe I'm growing skeptical of cynicism.

When evaluating a person,  we should focus on four characteristics :
goodness, integrity, intelligence and capable.
But if he don't have the first two, the latter two will hurt you.

You should be often hear people say: "without cultural level, it's really terrible."
What is it the "culture" ? is the degree ? the undergo ?  the experience ?
The answer is neither.

I think culture can be interpreted using four phrases,  
you are rooted in the mind of cultivation,
and without reminding of self-consciousness,
and the liberty of you based on the constraint,
and your thought within kindness  for others.

The human mind is very adept at labeling.
It will label situations, things, places and people.
It's a pretty handy app.

When it comes to people, over time those labels tend to solidify.

They become all we can see.
They become what we experience.

The true depth of a person is replaced with a word, a phrase,
a sound, an assemblage of vowels and consonants.

Which is why I sometimes try to look at people and see them.

This may cause total strangers to react fearfully,
and say "What the hell are you looking at, ya friggin' freak ?"

Two o'clock in the afternoon .
The couch waits like a hug from lover.

The shades are like a drawn .
Shoes off. Wristwatch off. Phone off.
Maybe pants optional, dependent on exhaustion level versus concern over wrinkling.
Body sinks into cushions .
Mister head meet Mister pillow, Mister pillow meet Mister head.

One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi.... oblivion.
Effervescent dreams in my brain.

One-hour later, consciousness reorientation.
Where am I ? Who am I ?
No one answered.

"The things" we have spent our life depending on are undependable .
Because they are things.
And things are by their very nature subject to change.
This applies to people as well, people change, people leave.

Inevitably we all leave.
The world, therefore, is essentially an unstable, uncertain environment.
That's why I choose to believe in, and depend on, an unchanging ,
eternal omnipresent "non-thing".

But I prefer not to call it God, because the word tends to thing things up.
So I try not to call it,
I try to experience it.

Easy to do looking out at the ocean,
Hard to do looking up at the ocean.

Easy to do when you look at a baby,
Hard to do if the baby is next to you on a long plane flight.

Easy to do when you look at a pretty girl,
Hard to do if you were once married to her.

a poem
under construction of neuron specific expression vector for human noggin gene


As I get older ,
I see more clearly ,
but not with my eyes .
I hear more sharply ,
but not with my ears .
I smell more ripely ,
but not with my nose….

As I get older ,
I see more clearly ,
but not with my eyes .
I hear more sharply ,
but not with my ears .
I touch more intimately ,
but not with my finger…

As I get older ,
I see more clearly ,
but not with my eyes .
I hear more sharply ,
but not with my ears .
I love more deeply ,
but not with my penis…

As I get older ,
I see more clearly ,
but not with my eyes .
I hear more sharply ,
but not with my ears .
I think more better ,
but not with my brain …my head…  
nogging (informal terms for a human head)…

I believe in reincarnation, not in the traditional sense.
My feeling is that I have lived many different lives within this lifetime.
I've also observed that each new incarnation came about
after a period of intense physical or emotional pain .

In other words, just like childbirth, it hurts to be born. Or reborn.
A lot of crying happens.
Death, illness, poverty, divorce,
giving up a dream, waking  up from a dream,
getting fired, divorce again, substance abuse,
being publicly ridiculed by a former friend,
all these things have led to rebirth, to  new lives.

The Buddha taught that change and impermanence is a fundamental fact of existence.
He further pointed out that this fact made suffering inevitable.

He didn't mention that sometimes after the pain is gone,
you open your eyes to a life beyond your wildest dreams.
That is what happened to me.

The truth is, not everyone will accomplish something great.
Some of us may just have to find meaning in the little moments that make up life.

                             
                                           rhombicosidodecahedron

Drugs and alcohol are the most commonly used substances to mask one's feelings.
Less toxic means to perform this same function are shopping, sex, exercise,
eating, traveling, watching films and television, reading, writing and sleeping .  

There's only one emotional avoidance mechanism left to explore  
That makes me wonder what're you doing now ?

I've been on hiatus for many years long.
I study something I wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Which Archimedean solid has 20 regular triangular faces,  30 square faces,
12 regular pentagonal faces, 60 vertices and 120 edges ?  
The rhombicosidodecahedron !


                                             

Apparently that's what I've been seeing in my peripheral vision .
My optometrist calls them floaters .
He said it happens with ages and not to worry about it .

I worry about it .
Maybe I'd feel better if he told me that what I was seeing was pixies ,
tiny magical creatures that only appear to a special few .

But no , I'm seeing  floaters , as in ,
"Hey James , we just found a  floater in the stream.
Probably I spilled my coffee in the squad car .
you got any paper towels ,or something spongy ? "

I went to the movies last night .
While standing in line to buy a ticket
I noticed a sign on the ticket booth window
that indicated I was eligible for a senior discount .
For some reason I was surprised .
I don't know why .

I'd been eligible for quite some time ,
but until that moment I'd never once considered availing myself
of this somewhat dubious perk .

Anyway , I jokingly pointed out to the young girl in the ticket booth
that I was indeed old enough to be treated as a senior .
She nodded and proceeded to give me the discount .
I asked if she wanted to see proof of age .

She glanced at me , shrugged and said ,
"Nope ."

The movie was a comedy , but I was in no mood to laugh .
I just sat there and sulked until I fell asleep .

She had a fierce intelligence in her eyes
which was not apparent in her behavior or speech .
When you looked into those sparkling , black orbs ,
you couldn't help get the impression that she had something clever to say .
She did not .

And when she favored you with a smile ,
you got the reassuring feeling that she understood . She didn't. Not a clue .
It was only much later you realized that her wry ,
knowing grin was something she unconsciously did
when she was suppressing gas .

Oh , and her touch .
The way she held your arm, or delicately draped a hand on your shoulder .
That simple gesture made you feel loved ,
made you feel as if the two of you were connected on the most intimate level .
Well, turns out, that was just her way of keeping her balance
while wearing six inch stiletto heels .

And the worst part was you didn't care .
The illusion was good enough .
As long as she didn't talk , fart or fall on her ass,
you were a happy man .

              labradoodle

I saw a woman the other day . She was very pretty. Sparkly .
We exchanged several awkward glances
until I finally screwed up the courage to walk up to her .
I fumblingly introduced myself and asked if we'd met before .

She stared at me for a few seconds ,
her head tilting to the side like a confused labradoodle ,
then said ,''I should think so . We used to date . "

My eyes widened . My jaw dropped .

"Oh my god ," she said,"I can't believe you don't remember ! "

I shrugged and said ,"I am sorry . I honestly don't remember ."

She went on to inform me that this all happened many years ago .
back when we were in college.
Apparently I was the worst boyfriend she ever had and our time together was ,
by far , the worst year of her life .

I silently took this in .

"Well?" she said, "What do you have to say for yourself?"

I slowly shook my head and said ,"No, I think you've confused me with someone else."

Then I walked away very quickly so she wouldn't hear me giggling ...