本篇最後由 戰士搖小頭 於 2023-9-27 19:49 編輯
愛隨風而起 風止意難平
我在2月時約到一位非法跳機泰國妹剛來台灣不到一個月（新北市），和她的互動良好，雖然有語言上的隔閡（ 她英文不錯，我和她都用英文溝通），相處久了我越來越喜歡她，雖然我已經有了家室並且與她的年齡差了18歲（我女兒已經17歲了），我也明白和她是不會有任何的可能或是未來，而她的想法就用一首歌來說明（Rihanna 的 diamond）但是和她一起我有了生活的動力有了希望，想讓自己變得更好更年輕（二十年來對家庭付出已讓我厭世，只想盡責沒有希望）
以上這段是我暈船的開始
二月底到四月底，一切都是那麼的美好（我有時間金錢就去和她約會，買她愛吃的螃蟹，喜歡的香氛蠟燭鮮花，每次和她做的時候我們都很盡興，時間到了都會捨不得對方而結束，每天都頻繁的Line）但是她說這次休息後要換新的老闆了！（我的惡夢開始了）
之後她每個月都換老闆，從台北市換到桃園市，又到了中壢，內壢，還曾經在台南看過她出現一天，而她所待的地方都不超過一個月（我自己的想法是她如此頻繁的換老闆換地點換名字，這樣對她有幫助嗎？常看到某些紅牌就待在那個區域一年）而自從她離開新北市後，我找她就不是很容易，雖然有Line但是她可能不方便透露聯絡方式或是有意疏遠我，也可能是我太暴露出我的需求感，讓她太好拿捏我了，關於四月底到六月初，她的態度開始變化，她說她泰國的家裡有事，需要用錢……八喇叭喇叭……她的壓力很大……八喇叭喇叭…………我心想如果她找我要錢那事情就好辦了（不是我有錢，是我看清她的目的）偏偏在我和她最後一次約會前爆發（以下英文對話，我的英文沒她好……）
我：Hi Babe, I maybe have found you, but I need confirmation, can you give me your address?
她：桃園市中壢區中陽西路
我： I searched hard for you, and finally found it!
她： [貼圖]
我： 6/17 I have a reservation for four hours at one o'clock in the afternoon
So miss you I am so happy to have found you.
You should have not eaten delicious food for a long time...What else do you want?
她： Did you arleady book me yesterday??
她： I have no idea
我： want to eat? Need it?
Is ok I still have some time to prepare.
她： I don't really want to eat much.
我： I'll make an appointment first, and then confirm with you. Worried that the only time I have is being asked away...
她沒回答 You favorite crab!
她沒回答 you are really unhappy...
她沒回答 Don't you want to be with me...
(以上大約我自言自語半小時)
她： I already told you this month I have a lot to think about, I just don't want to eat.
Why do you say this?
What's wrong with you?
Just what I have in my head right now that I need to think about is enough, don't make me feel bad.
assume I beg you
If you come here, you can't give comfort to each other. don't have to meet I've had enough stress in my head arleady
Don't try to get my attention in this stupid way. Because just this, I have a lot of things to think about. And I have a lot of stress arlead
我： Ok
她 ：Don't put other stressful things on my head again because I already have enough stressful things to do.
我： Sure! I will not bother you anymore, I wish you all the best, I am really happy during the period of knowing you... You can still give me news when you think of me...
她： Now you're like someone I've never known
You think tbis it good question?? I dont know why you ask me loke that
我： Maybe it's been too long, maybe I can't understand your troubles... I haven't changed...
她： ????
我： I know how sorry you are, it's all my fault.
她： I don't understand why you have to ask like I am not hungry, don't want to eat because I don't want to be with you. What is the question? What do you want from this question?
我： I know how sorry you are, it's all my fault.
I tried to comfort you in the simplest way, but you don't seem to like it very much.
她： I'm not hungry, it mean not hungry. I don't want to eat it mean I don't want to eat. , Why do you have to say that because I don't want to see you?
Like this it your comfort me?
我： I was just trying to comfort you, but you really make me feel like you really don't want to see me.
You really don't understand my intentions, it's okay, just let it be!
她： I told you this month I've been very stressed about work, family, my brother. So I didn't replying to your message because Afraid to spit on you or say bad things to you, but you still try to make me angry.
我：The last thing I want is that you are angry. I am very happy to tell you that I have made an appointment, knowing that you are in a bad mood, and want to bring a crab or food you like or what you want, but in exchange for your incomprehension.
過了大約一小時
她：I'm sorry I misunderstood you, now I'm a little moody and it can make me mad very easy right now
以上對話感覺不出她想要我的錢…………
照她的個性應該直接明講吧！
但是結果還是去找她，買了3+1
但是這次約會的感覺都不對了，哪裡不對我也說不上來，我想可能是與兩個月不見有些關係吧！但是和她做的feel 一樣很好…………
再之後Line的聯繫越來越冷，原本親密的稱呼也沒了，只剩下想她的問候，我也不再問她現在在哪裡了，總覺得是我自己一廂情願的想她 。
這些日子以來我發現了很多找妹的管道，像她之前待過內壢，居然是公寓還有室友共用浴室……
也發現有些資訊是全省都看得到，有些需要找當地的派工或是總機……
她在內壢的時候我找桃園／中壢的派工幫忙，派工卻被總機已讀不回？？當時我以為這是什麼神秘組織（內壢不是挺大的，市場能承受資訊不流通嗎？）
之前和她聊工作抽成時（新北市時期），她說是六成（3400×0.6／1hr）中壢時期她說每節1300，內壢以後我就沒去找她了，但是看價格更便宜2500／1hr or 3000/90m應該也沒好到那裡。當時我說妳該回到新北市工作，這對妳比較好（結果又爆氣，說我認為她很笨）現今資訊爆炸的時代，我為了能找到她，葉黃素不知道吃了多少，近視的度數持續上升中…………
………………………分隔線……………………
這些日子我還是每個月都去找妹，只不過都沒有和她做愛的感覺，也嘗試了3P，後門，越妹，泰妹，印尼妹都試過，口味越來越大但是心裡卻越來約空虛，始終忘不了她。。。。
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