I probably see myself too big from time to time. Spinoza said this could be a day dreamer and dreamed with his eyes wide open. I 've dreamed for almost the entrie life up to now and this only drags me into hell. I must face the truth that I can't be anything more than what I really am. I can't be a scholar, nor any man of profession, which is the whole truth here. I am born free and submit to no one. I know such character is no good at all to me, and yet I follow this instinct without much concession. People perish in the end of their life no matter how big they were. I just hold tight what is left in my hands and let the span of life pass with all pleasure that ever comes to me. I would live a small and worthy life from this very moment on. Farewell to the deluded parts of the past and no more tormenting for things that are not me!